Kathy McCabe - Silent witness

"Honesty goes to the core of my very being."
Kathy McCabe 6 June 2008

Kathy is undoubtedly an intelligent woman, but she is also a compulsive liar.

We all have to lie at some point, even if it's just to spare a friend's feelings. "No dear, it doesn't look big."

Kathy, however, lies constantly and possibly uncontrollably.

Lying, just like drugs and alcohol, can be addictive. It's an escape from reality and can provide the user with comfort or even a buzz. Kathy also uses it to avoid discomfort, often in an attempt to cover up previous dishonesty, or, heaven forbid, that she has made a mistake.

As with other addictions, there is a down side. Too much alcohol can damage your health and kill you. That can be a problem if you, or your friends, want you to live and be healthy. I'd imagine that being a compulsive liar would be a nightmare, but that's just the opinion of someone who claims to be fairly honest. I'd much prefer to be an alcoholic. It's much easier.

One downside is that to lie effectively, you would have to make an awful lot of effort to ensure that your lies are not detected, because that could be embarrassing and you could lose credibility, and whatever you were lying about in the first place would be uncovered, and it may lead to other lies being uncovered in a domino effect. (I tell a lie; dominos aren't uncovered, they're knocked down!).

You would need to keep a diary of all of your lies to remind you of stuff you've blurted out under pressure. Make sure nobody finds your diary. Best to deny that you own one, then you won't have to lie about what you keep in it.

Number your lies. This will help you to cross reference them, to ensure you don't ever look foolish by digging yourself into deeper and deeper holes. For example,

0001 I do not own a diary.
0002 This is not my diary. It's somebody else's. - 0001
0003 Honesty goes to the core of my very being.
0004 He has never asked to attend a conference. - 0005
0005 I have never attended a conference with him. - 0004
0006 He did receive a merit award from me. Honest!
0007 I treat the team fairly and consistently. - 0003
0008 The Uni doesn't use Oracle anymore. - 0004
0009 He bullies me, so he does!
0010 He keeps threatening to raise a grievance, but never does.
0011 He used an inappropriate procedure when he asked to attend. - 0004
0012 It wisnae me; a big boy did it and ran away.

The Uni intends to fight my claims of discrimination, victimisation and unfair dismissal at the Employment Tribunal. They are allowed to call any witnesses with relevant evidence. However, they have decided not to call Kathy. It cannot be because she doesn't have relevant evidence. Just as she did at the grievance hearing, she could easily refute my allegations and point to evidence that supports her case that I bullied her. I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Job done! Case dismissed!

No, that's not why they are not calling her as a witness. Imagine the scene...

Judge: Before I ask this question, Mrs McCabe, may I remind you that you are under oath and you could go to jail if you lie.
Kathy: Honesty goes to the core of my very being, m'lud.
Judge: Do you own a diary?
Kathy: No, m'lud, and I don't keep anything in it either.
Judge: Then what's that you're reading from, Mrs McCabe?
Kathy: Erm, my diary.
Judge: So you lied to me?
Kathy: No, you asked me if I own a DAIRY, and I don't.
Judge: What do you write in your diary?
Kathy: Look, m'lud, I prefer to look to the future. So if you ask me any more questions about the past, then I'm going to look upset and leave the court. I've told you that honesty goes to the core of my very being, and that's all you need to know. If you don't trust me then there's no point in us having this conversation.

The reason the Uni won't call Kathy as a witness is because she could then be cross examined, and she would be seen as a loose cannon. There's no predicting what she might say, especially since she would be asked some very difficult questions about issues where it is obvious she has lied. She could literally say anything. Kathy lies under very little pressure and she is convinced that her lies are undetectable. There are no boundaries. Kathy won't even admit to making a mistake, so she is highly unlikely to admit to lying. That will mean that each lie (and there are lots) will have to be covered up by a bigger lie made up on the spur of the moment which she will think is undetectable, but isn't, and then she'll quickly reach the point where normally she would just change the subject or leave the room, but she won't be able to. She'll quickly pass the point where she would normally call Mark Toole and ask for help, but he won't be there to help her. The panic will increase exponentially. This will have the effect of making the lies even more absurd and even more inconsistent with previous lies she has given under oath. There will be a lot of temptation for her to pass out; just drop to the floor a la Gillian McKeith.

Judge: So if I understand you correctly, Mrs McCabe, you say that you are from the planet htraE where you were chosen by the rulers to come to Earth in an invisible spaceship in order to carry out experiments, and you can't return to htraE because you can't find your invisible spaceship and you don't remember where you parked it?
Kathy: Honesty goes to the core of my very being, m'lud.

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