Bullying and suicide - Bullycide

I believe bullying is the single most important social issue of today, for the study of bullying provides an opportunity to understand the behaviours which underlie almost all conflict and violence.
Tim Field

Bullying can lead victims to utter despair. It's not just the bullying itself, but victims can find themselves isolated when friends desert them for fear that they too will be victimised. Friends and bystanders can also lie and deny that there was any bullying. Even worse, friends may believe there is something to be gained by toadying up to the bullies, and to join in with bullying their former friend, or to falsely claim that the victim is the bully. Believe me, it happens, and it is far from pleasant.

In addition, if you've been unfairly dismissed after complaining about being bullied, it can be difficult to get another job with no references, even if you are in a mental state, and have the confidence to work again.

I would love for me and my team, and others I've mentioned on my blog to spend a morning on the Jeremy Kyle show on TV to answer questions while we are hooked up to lie detectors. It would be a real eye opener for the public. Tim Field was correct; bullying has far reaching effects, and the public has to be made aware of it.

Here is the story of a young girl who was beaten up on a bus. Her screams were ignored by the other passengers pretending it wasn't happening because they didn't want to get involved.

Here is the story of a young girl who was gang raped in view of 20 bystanders for over two hours before anyone informed the police.

"I don't want to get involved" is the same as "I'm all right, Jack". You are sick in the head if you enjoy watching people suffer. You are also sick in the head if you add to the suffering by lying.

In desperation, victims may consider suicide. Undoubtedly, more victims would kill themselves but for the fact that it isn't easy. Sure, a lot of people have succeeded, but I suspect that many of them will either have had great courage, or they were so desperate that they didn't give enough thought to how difficult it really is, and may have suffered unbearable physical pain before they eventually died.

If you have found this page because you are thinking of killing yourself, then I am not going to discourage you, but I won't be encouraging you either. Obviously, councelling (Samaritans and Pieta) may help you make your mind up, but ultimately the decision is yours. However, if you eventually decide that the only solution is to kill yourself, then you ought to be fully aware of what you are doing.

Do not attempt suicide unless you are 100% certain that you want to die. I do not say this to discourage anyone who is already completely sold on the idea, it's just that if doubts creep in, they will increase the risk of failure. If what you want is for the pain to go away, councelling might be worthwhile. If you obtain some relief through harming yourself, be sure that it doesn't develop into something that can put your life at risk or cause you serious damage.

If you attempt suicide and fail, you could leave yourself a lot worse off. You could be permanently disabled or disfigured. You, or someone else, could be financially worse off. Your failed attempt may result in you being prosecuted due to damage or distress you may have caused. As well as the problems you already have, people will learn of your attempt to kill yourself and some will think that you have mental problems, and of course, they will be right.

I would certainly discourage you from attempting suicide as a cry for help. You could easily end up dead, and nobody can help you when you're dead. Get councelling now. I genuinely feel for you, but this page is not for you. God only knows how many apparently successful suicides were, in reality, unsuccessful cries for help.

You must consider the people you leave behind. Who will find you, and how will it effect them? What will the scene be like when you are found? If you have dependants, what will happen to them? You must make it very clear why you are doing it, otherwise innocent people may blame themselves. If you write a note, read it back to make sure it is legible and makes sense. Provide contact details of people who should be informed, and put your note somewhere it is sure to be found in good condition.

If you haven't thought about it already, you need to consider the best method for yourself. If you are like most people, you will want it to be quick and painless. You definitely do not want half an hour of excrutiating physical pain, even if you do attain your ultimate goal at the end of it. So if your chosen method is to slit your wrist, you need to give it a helluva lot more thought. By using that method, you could be in terrible pain for a long time during which you will be tempted to call for help. When you eventually return from hospital, you may find your home and belongings covered in thick, deep red blood. You would also have cost taxpayers the expense of saving you, which is the opposite of what you had in mind. You would also have the scars that announce your mental illness to everyone.

You need to be aware that you will be fighting against your natural human survival instinct. For example, if you can swim, it would be almost impossible to drown yourself, because you would instinctively come up for air. Other methods could have horrendous consequences if you instinctively change your mind at the last moment.

As well as considering the time and pain factors, each method has a success ratio. So you need to investigate which methods have low failure rates, and consider if you have the courage to employ any of those methods. You may need to do a fair bit of research.

I'm writing this in the UK where it's difficult to gain access to firearms. Even if you do manage to get hold of one, you may be surprised to learn that some people have made botched attempts with a gun, leaving themselves in a dreadful condition. I say this because you may believe that pulling a trigger is an option that requires less courage than others.

People who survive after jumping from a bridge frequently admit that while they were falling, they wished they hadn't jumped. Often they go on to live happy lives. So maybe you should try to visualise yourself plummeting to your death and wondering if you made the right choice.

Apparently there is a suicide pill available in Mexico. That might sound attractive for its simplicity. It's not risk free though, because it has a shelf life, and there are people who sell these pills knowing that they have gone past their sell by date. Yep, there is even profit to be made by keeping suicidal people alive.

If you are religious; you may wish to consider what comes after death. It might be 72 virgins or it might be an eternity of burning in maggot infested fire. Although I'm not religious, I still wonder if there might be something after death. I also wonder if people who kill themselves are punished for it. It used to be against the law to attempt suicide, and the bible says "Thou shalt not kill." In modern language, that means "You must not kill." I haven't read a whole bible, but I doubt if it says it's okay for priests to sexually abuse children. Maybe it's time for somebody to write a newer testament that clarifies the rules and penalties on these matters.

In almost every country, men kill themselves far more often than women. Instead of killing yourself, perhaps you should first consider a sex change?

In the UK, farmers and people in the medical professions have the highest suicide rates. I don't think that it's because they have depressing jobs, but because they have the knowledge and weapons required for the most efficient suicide methods. It's much more difficult for the rest of us. You could become a farmer; but what if you enjoyed it? What a dilemma!

Perhaps one day in the future people will be able to arrange an appointment with their doctor for to be killed humanely and painlessly, just like a vet kills a lame or stray dog. Or maybe Tescos will sell DIY suicide kits.

There is a strong case for a risk free, private, quick, painless, clean, dignified suicide. It would be far less expensive in terms of damage to property, searches for bodies, police investigations, clearing up the mess, medical staff and families having to care for permanently damaged relatives, etc; and children wouldn't be traumatised by finding pieces of human bodies while out playing. However, there is no sign of 'drop in suicide shops' coming soon, so people have to come up with their own home made plans.

None of us receive training on how to commit suicide; you have to teach yourself. It won't help if you're a slow learner; you'll just have to think longer, or rule it out.

I'm not a doctor, and I haven't attempted suicide. I don't have all the answers for you. You have to find out all your answers for yourself. Once you come up with your plan, you should run it past the Samaritans just in case there is something you have not thought of.

If you decide to kill yourself as a result of bullying, it means that the bullies get their ultimate victory. Don't think for a second that they'll feel any guilt. More likely they will dance on your grave, make up stories about you, and make fun of you on facebook. Where's the justice in that? Why should YOU die to please THEM?

Best wishes and lots of love

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