The Witnesses

The people who are being called by either side as witnesses for my employment tribunal case versus University of Stirling are, in no particular order:

1 Graham Millar
If Mr Millar can withdraw his tongue from Mark Toole's arse for long enough, then I intend to probe him in relation to his bizarre investigation, in which he seemed to begin with the lynching, then moved backwards towards gathering the evidence with the handicap of a mouthful of Mark's shite.

2 Mark Toole
I guess that all I'm going to get from him is "on the balance of probability...." Mark doesn't expect to win at the tribunal. All he wanted was me out of the uni, cos he was too much of a coward to deal with Kathy. She's far more of a man than he'll ever be.

3 Karen Stark
She is nowhere near as clever as she thinks she is. She will fail disastrously. I'm on to her.

4 Martin McCrindle
Surprisingly, the university raised the issue of the Framework process in their case against me. This means that I will be able to cross examine Mr McCrindle and Karen Stark on the subject. A spectacular own goal, surely! Bizarrely, at my appeal against unfair dismissal, Martin asked me to keep quiet about the liars who had conspired to have me dismissed. Why would I want to do that? He must really have thought I was stupid. I'm deeply offended.

5 Gail Miller
I expect that Mark and Graham and Gail will try to defend the investigation with some false story that they have agreed upon. Nevertheless, it is completely indefensible. I wouldn't want to defend it. They've invented their own disciplinary procedures. They completely ignored the university's. They had to batter the square peg into the round hole. I'd imagine that the tribunal would wonder why neither of them saw the flaws in their corrupt process.

6 Professor Gerry McCormac
What have you done about all the corruption, Gerry? Nothing? Yet you think I shouldn't be reinstated? Surely you should be begging me to return?

7 Kevin Clarke
He's going to have to explain how each flaw in the grievance procedure isn't a flaw. Rather him than me.

8 Professor Christine Hallett
What the fuck can she possibly say for herself? She has to be the queen of corruption. To pretend to everybody that she was our protector, when in reality she was the executioner; that takes a very special type of bastard. I wasn't her first victim either. She's a habitual corrupt bastard. Corruption is her hobby. Doesn't give a fuck about people's health. Money! Money! Money! I wish her a very slow painful death.

9 Jackie O'Neil
Jackie and Kathy are very similar. She's a loose cannon. Who knows what she could say? But I expect I will have evidence to prove it's a lie.

10 Dr Peter Kemp
This guy has been talking shite with impunity for so long, he won't know what else to do. He's in for an extremely hard time unless I'm seriously missing something.

11 Kathy McCabe
Nobody, and I mean nobody knows what on earth she might say on the witness stand. I fear there could be fake tears. When she is faced with the fact that she is a liar, the hearing may have to be suspended while she considers her response. During mediation, she refused to answer any questions, and she made an almighty fuss because I mentioned her dishonesty. Now she has more questions to answer. She won't be able to refuse to answer them. She has lied even more since mediation, and there is irrefutable evidence to prove it. "Isn't it true, Mrs McCabe that you told me, more than once, that honesty goes to the core of your very being? Then how do you explain this, and this, and this, and this, and..." Kathy described the mediation process as "the most difficult and deeply unpleasant experience of my working life." She will think it was a party compared with her time in the witness box. This won't be pretty, but it should be very entertaining.

12 Selina Gibb
I can only assume that someone is going to advise her what to say. I hope it's Eileen MacDonald.

13 Una Forsyth
Where do I begin? The university has definitely let Una down. They deliberately made her think I had made a complaint about her. It's almost unfair, but I have to treat her as what she is; a liar, and an extremely bad one at that.

14 Eileen MacDonald
Another one who has been led to believe that she is clever. This will be disastrous for Eileen. I suspect tears will flow if they allow this to proceed. She will be faced with her own stupidity and dishonesty. There's no escape. She has run out of lives. She depended on me for help, but I won't be helping her. She has dug herself into a very deep hole when she should have been keeping her mouth well and truly shut. No hope. And she'll probably blame Kathy for getting her into such a mess.

15 Eileen Schofield
My only fear with Eileen is that she'll come dressed as Mystic Meg and tell us the next day's horse results. No wait! That would be a good thing. A £1 roll-up on these 20 horses please, Mr Bookie!

16 David Black
He will have to check with Eric what he's allowed to say. He's shit scared of Kathy, so he will back her up to the hilt. But there's a rule at the tribunal. You have to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That means he will have to make a choice, and I suspect the spineless twat will lie with everything he's got. A complete integrity vacuum; he'll say anything to keep Kathy happy. He'd sell his granny for a ha'penny. I don't intend to make it easy though.

17 Eric Hall
Eric will turn up full of confidence that he will eat me for breakfast. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. He will definitely not be saying that Kathy is a fucking bitch. I expect she will be a fucking Goddess when I cross examine him.

18 Karen Plouviez