David Seeks More Help From Eric

Some of you may have read my entry in my Alcohol Diary on 21 October when I imagined what David Black would do when he receives my questions. He decides he needs a little more help from Eric. There is some strong language from the start of this post; but thankfully, no nudity...

David: About those questions that Allan asked me, Eric. I know that I need to steer clear of saying anything that might upset Kathy, but I'm just not sure how I'm going to be able to do that. I could be snookered here. I could certainly benefit from your advice.

Eric doesn't respond. He doesn't even look at David. He is staring intently at his computer screen. He hasn't blinked for over five minutes. His coffee mug is at his lips, but he isn't even drinking it. Obviously something is seriously wrong.

David: Did you hear me, Eric? I need your advice. Allan has an audio recording of me.

Eric: I'm fucked! I'm well and truly fucked! You probably look at me and think there's nobody less fuckable; but I'm fucked. I just fucking know it. I'm absolutely fucked!

David: What's wrong, Eric? This isn't like you.

Eric: It's Allan. He's sent questions for me too. And I can guess why. He's been fucking recording all sorts of conversations. And I'm fucking sure he's recorded me too. I should have known that's what he was fucking up to.

David: What do you think he recorded?

Eric: That's the fucking problem. I don't fucking know! He came in here one day just before he was suspended, and we were talking for fucking ages. I had a feeling that he was up to some-fucking-thing.

David: What did you talk about for ages?

Eric: Mostly Kathy and stuff. That's the fucking problem. It was more than a year and a half ago. I can't remember what the fuck I said.

David: Did you say anything that would upset Kathy if she heard it?

Eric: Probably. I can't remember. But I know we talked about some of the stuff he's asking me about in these fucking questions.

David: That's what I came to see you about. He's recorded me too.

Eric: Selina told me he recorded her too. She asked me for some advice, but I didn't know what to fucking tell her. Poor lass is as anxious and nervous as fuck over it all. She says he's fucking recorded Una too. Fuck knows how much he's been recording. How much can you record on these new fucking devices?

David: I think the one Allan got could probably record for a whole day, no bother.

Eric: Fuck me gently! Fuck knows what he's got on us.

David: Probably everything that was said in the tea room as well.

Eric: Oh fuck!

David: He might even have left it recording when he wasn't there.

Eric: Oh fuck me gently! Fuck knows how I can answer these fucking questions. He's probably going to call me as a fucking witness at the tribunal hearing. And then there's fucking Kathy! Oh fuck me!

David: So do you think you'll be able to help me with this, Eric?

Eric: Oh fuck, I've just remembered something else. When I was interviewed for the fucking grievances, I laid it on thick. I think I came out with some crap like 'Kathy has a wonderful way of managing the team that makes everybody, apart from Allan, love her'. I'm pretty sure that when I was fucking talking to Allan that day, I told him how fucking shit she was as a manager. I could swear I told him how she came out as the worst manager that had ever attended the course she went on. Oh fuck me, she won't like that; not one fucking bit. Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck!

David: So do you think you'll be able to help me with this, Eric?

Eric: But at the time he was fucking speaking to me, I was fucking sure he hadn't seen my statement for the grievance investigation. So what the fuck could have made him suspect that I didn't just tell the truth? Did I mention to any other fucker at the time?

David: Tell you what Eric, I can see you're busy. I'll maybe just have a word with my mum about what I should do with this.

Eric: David, can you remember who the fuck was interviewed about the same time as me? I might have fucking said something to them, and maybe they fucking blabbed.

David: It was a long time ago, Eric. Nobody will ever remember that far back. Best forgotten, eh?

To be fucking continued...

No comments: